Where do I go from here?

He stripped me of everything. My confidence, my passion and even my self esteem. It took 2 years of therapy to overcome the damage that he had done. therapy helped me to love myself again and I gained back my self esteem. It wasn't an easy process but I got there somehow, it just creeped up on me and I just knew I was doing better.

Photography is and has been my passion or at least I think it is. I don't know anymore. My ex and I studied it together and in that process I unlearned all that I knew and he took over everything.

I lost all hope for things to be good in 2020 and I tried to stay positive for the most part but I’m at a downfall now.

I turn 26 tomorrow and I’m a huge birthday person, always have been but this year I’m just not feeling it. I just can’t.

Mom always used to throw big parties and make everything at home. That’s our thing, having everything homemade. But this year I’m just not feeling it AT ALL, I just feel dead.

I’ve been optimistic and trying to stay that way for so long but now I’m just so done. I was supposed to find my partner this year, it wasn’t a necessity but it was sort of a milestone that I wanted to reach but I never imagined life to be at a dead end.

I know one should not rely on another human being to bring them happiness but I’m at that stage in life where I am so exhausted of constantly being there for people and giving them what they need and being neglected of that myself.

My mother says that I need to bring happiness to myself but I don’t have it in me to keep going. I feel empty. I don’t want to call myself broken because that’s not what I am, that part of me has been healed.

I feel robbed. He took away everything that I had and I know blaming him won’t solve anything but where do I go from here? I’m unable to focus on things for myself.

I don’t hate myself, I have no reason to but I’m just done.