There’s a lesson in everything

Theres no climax to this story, even I’m sad about it.

People are allowed to move on, we certainly did. We weren’t even dating but we liked each other and I wouldn’t want to call each other toxic but I guess we might fall into that category. I don’t know, I blocked R out of my mind and even now thinking about being in a serious relationship with him is scaring me to my core.

Just serious relationships in general are scary (says me who has asked her parents to look for a suitable man for me to get married to).

It’s not that he was a bad person, our timing just never seemed to be right and we did nothing but fight with each other, block, unblock, start talking again, fight, block, unblock and so on.

It was an endless cycle till I decided I couldn’t take it anymore because every single time he came back into my life, everything just went haywire. He was too overwhelming and I don’t know why we forced it for so long.

We were in conversation back in 2017 while he had a french girlfriend and I had a psycho narcissistic maniac boyfriend. That was the last time I spoke to R and decided that I would never unblock and just move on fully and without even looking back for a second. That was until this week, 12th of October when someone informed me that he might be single and that his parents are looking for someone to get him married to.

I don’t know what took over me and why I did it but I decided to reach out.

Mind you, it’s been 3 years since we last spoke and at this point I have him blocked from everywhere without any way of finding out whether he’s single or committed.

Anyways, after unblocking him, I saw that both his display picture (facebook and instagram) had a girl in it but I couldn’t tell if it’s the same person.

WHY OH WHY would I put myself in a position where I would go back to him to find out if he’s single or not. Obviously he was committed, why else would he have a picture of a girl on his display picture, who does that without intent.

But the what ifs kicked in and started driving me crazy.

So I decided to message R just to see how he’s doing. No response. After 14 hours of overthinking, checking my phone every 5 seconds and a half an hour discussion with my friend, I unsent the message. THANK GOD FOR THE UNSEND OPTION ON INSTAGRAM.

I returned to his profile 15 minutes after deleting my message to him (creepy, I know) and he had blocked me.

So he did see my message and decided not to respond. I don’t know if he was waiting for me to retract the message but this was the outcome of it. Honestly, if someone who has been dormant in my life walked in randomly, I would have done the same thing so it’s completely understandable.

I’m glad that this is how it all played out.

I didn't feel the need to speak to him in order to get closure.

Moral of the story.

Don’t listen to what people say and message people without having a purpose. Let the universe control where your life takes you. It was an unplanned and unnecessary move to make and both of us wouldn’t have gotten anything out of it. It just wasn’t meant to be.

If it was, it wouldn’t have been this hard and it wouldn’t have taken this long for us to find our way to each other. I’m happy that he moved on and I’m glad that I’ve gotten closure from him too.

Things happen, people come and go. You can’t keep them in your life forcefully.

It just didn’t make sense and even though I had made peace with it very early on I guess this was just a double confirmation.