So many problematic emotions.

Chi energy ball video at the end of this story.

Today was a horrible day. I’ve been down in the dumps for a while now hoping and manifesting his attention which frankly is probably not even worth it.

If he wanted me, he’d be here by now, no? But then again fear is a strong emotion.

I keep forgetting that this is about ME and not anyone else. I just manifested a Chi energy ball out to him hoping he’d follow me on instagram. Sounds so silly but I don’t have any wrong intentions (i think). I just want him to feel me in his soul like I felt him inside me (not physically obviously). I wish.

Do I want him though? Yeah he’d be yummy.

The chemistry was amazing.

As night has fallen, I somehow feel lighter. Maybe my aunt sent me some healing energy or it was my rose quartz that has calmed me down. I’m not fully unwound but some weight seems to have been lifted off of me.

I want him to share my burdens, mostly because they’re about him.

I think I need to stop fantasizing about the life I’d have with him. That just adds onto the unrealistic goal that I have set for us. Maybe he doesn’t even want to work for an ‘us’.

What if I don’t want him after talking to him. I’m spiralling.

The amazing kitchen I’ve imagined in his house, omg. I’d love to be HIS arm candy, he’d be lucky to have me as his arm candy.

I feel butterflies down under, hehe. Down under needs some action, she’s lonely.

I’m attempting to change the narrative, make it about me rather than worry about how things would make HIM feel. It’s a difficult task and it needs A LOT of work. I feel lighter and that’s all that matters in this very moment.

There’s still so much shadow work to be done, I need to be important to myself first.

I hope he comes back. — this is not how you change your narrative.

Don’t be like me people, I’m still a work in progress. Today has just not been my day.

Good night or Good morning! Hope you have a wonderful day ahead of you. ❤



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Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way — Micheal Scott