She distanced and so did I.

Hiba and I were always close, she was my rock and silently I was hers too. I was always there for her, to go buy presents for her boyfriend or to take her out to meet him. I made sure I gave her that assurity that I’d be there since my sister was never there for me.

She was just a stranger living under the same roof who didn’t acknowledge my existence and eventually I stopped giving a shit too. It took a lot of effort to shut her out of my system but it’s something that had to be done.

It’s been 10 years since she moved away and even now when she makes plans of visiting home, I get very edgy because this is no longer her space. It’s mine and that may be selfish but she made the decision of shutting everyone out of her life and I’m not to be blamed for that. It’s not that we’re strangers, mom talks to her once in a while but both of them don’t go out of their way for each other. My mother got exhausted by doing that so she stopped.

We come from a close knit family and we’re not really given the space to explore our true personalities. When I moved away for college, Hiba cried as expected but I kept tabs on her. Regularly checked in with how she was doing, called her and stayed on facetime with her even when we had nothing to talk about just to let her know that I’M THERE.

Anyways, while I was away at university, one of her friends moved into her house without both their parents questioning anything that was happening.

She had her eyes set on Hiba’s younger brother which was very evident by their body language towards each other but somehow my aunt and uncle turned a blind eye to that and she made her way into the family and started referring to my aunt and uncle as mom and dad. I guess Hiba had replaced me, but who knows what goes on in her head.

So when I came back after graduating, her and I were no longer close. She was already a closed person and it had just increased.

It was time for her to go to university so the four of them migrated as a family. Her brother started school over there and she was in university. That’s when her and I went on completely different paths, her personality became more like my sisters which was rebellious and I stayed as I am.

My personality obviously evolved throughout the years but I was never one to act out to begin with to get what I want. I’m a more sober person and I handle things very calmly. I’ve never felt the need to throw a tantrum to be heard.

I think both of them think I’m a backward person because I’m still close to my mother and I take things in their stride.

She never reciprocated how I felt and I knew that but I didn’t think there would be a day where I wouldn’t want to talk to her anymore, where I didn’t want anything to do with her. It’s so painful to think about. I was in denial for a while but then forced myself out of it like I had to when this happened with my sister.

This was a harder pill to swallow because we used to be very close at a point.

It would have killed me if I kept asking for recognition from her. I loved her with all my heart but now I don’t want her anywhere near me.

This makes me sad but there’s nothing I can do about it.

I will no longer seek your approval as I’ve made myself bulletproof to your actions.

I will no longer make the effort to check in with you because I know I’m not wanted in your life.

Maybe we’re just better off without each other.