New relationships require discomfort.
I’ve really been going through it lately.
I’ve been constantly writing and saving things in my drafts rather than posting things. This seems more like an outlet to just vent out my feelings.
Medium is a good place to let it out.
I’m getting married in December Ojala and I’ve just been going through the motions of it all. It’s such a scary thing since so many people around me seem to be getting divorced. That’s not what I want.
You don’t leave the room. That’s one thing my fiance and I have continuously been discussing. No matter what kind of argument it is, you don’t walk out.
I’ve been in toxic relationships where my then boyfriend fought with me and drove off from his own house leaving me there crying, clueless as to what to do. This is just one of many fights that happened once upon a time.
I’ve finally come to a place where I’m with a non-toxic person who’s in his right mind and who knows what he wants. I’ve never had that since I had a habit of selling myself short and not knowing my worth.
These things take such a big toll on your mental health that you forget how to be around a healthy human being who loves you but you don’t know how to receive love because you’ve always been a giver.
I love my fiance and I’m really excited to spend the rest of my life with him.
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I tend to withhold information as I don’t know how to communicate what I’m feeling openly. It’s a really bad habit, one which I have to unlearn to be in a healthy relationship. I feel like every situation is a fight or flight for me.
There were some things on my mind for a couple of days which I had not communicated to my fiance and I was in my head which was preventing me from enjoying the present and just being there with him.
We went on a date last night and I spoke to him about it, there was silence from his end which was completely understandable in that context.
The conversation was about where and how we would be living after we get married as in our society, it is preferred that a couple live in a joint family but that’s not the case anymore as things are now evolving.
Since it was an uncomfortable conversation which took him off guard, there was silence on the way home.
I was all set and prepared for shit to hit the fan.
That’s the knee jerk reaction that I get due to my past experiences.
It wasn’t even an argument or a big deal but I sat there in my bed, half in tears telling myself ‘Ok Dania, be prepared for everything and anything to go wrong. Not an ending obviously, just a big thing about to go down.
That’s just how I’ve been conditioned through the years with my experience with the people that I’ve been surrounded by. I hate it.
