My perfect plan shattered.

There are many things that have happened in life that I regret but this isn’t one of them. I spent months pining over him. it was more like obsessing but who likes labels.

I was dreaming of a life with him. I genuinely wanted the person. Not for his money nor his success. My parents have provided me with more than enough in life. (blessed beyond imagination).

I know he wanted me and I wanted him just as much but there was just too much baggage which I was willing to work with. Not because I wanted to fix him but because I wanted us to build a life together.

To turn his house into a home.

It was the perfect plan — his mom and his brother lived abroad and his dad wasn’t in the picture so no in-laws.

I spent 7 months living that fantasy in my head. No mom in law, woohoo.

I got so used to the idea of it in my head that looking at things now, I’m dreading the process of meeting a new person and having a family system. Oh wow, that makes me sound like a horrible person but ONLY if you had heard the horror stories of mom in laws, it’s terrifying. Especially in brown households.

‘Oh honey drink this juice your lips are starting to look dry.

Single handedly having to cook up feasts for 8 people without a helper while fasting all throughout the month of Ramadan.

No no, you don’t know how this is done, in our time we did things like this. THIS is how it works. Holy fucking hell.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of horror stories that I personally know of. Who would want this.

I only want your son. Please take your criticism and let us live our lives woman!’

I’ll get to his baggage. It’s been a tedious journey.

Stay tuned!


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Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way — Micheal Scott