I cant think of a title but it has a story that you’ll enjoy.

I should be thankful for all that I have during this horrible pandemic. People’s lives are falling apart, people are losing their loved ones and I have been complaining and dying on the inside hoping to find my forever person. I’ve written about this before but let’s attempt to see this from a different perspective.

I’m partially falling apart on the inside and I have no positivity left inside of me. I have been sulking around for the past 6 months about finding my forever person because that was the goal for 2020. It was not a goal, more of an expectation from this year but look at where we’ve ended up. It’s not rainbows and sunshine, more gloomy and depressing.

It’s monsoon here and it was pouring like crazy the other night and I was hoping and praying that somehow it would start raining all over the world at the same time and wash away the virus, disappearing as fast as it appeared.

Crazy to have such a thought, right? But just imagine if that happened. 2020 as we know it would take another crazy turn and become even more insane than it already is.

I want this heavy feeling from my heart to go away, I don’t like feeling this way because this is not who I am.

I haven’t let myself fall apart, because what will I get out of it, right? I feel shitty and keep saying that the world should end and that I’ll find my forever person in another life, because yes multiple lives do exist and finding my person is all that I have been looking forward to for a really long time now. Cliche, right? But who tf actually cares.

It’s a new life with a new person, a clean slate.

It’s raining right now and I’m trying to navigate whether it’s the good kind of rain or the bad kind. You know when you’re in a good mood and it’s raining you want to have pakoras and jalebis and when you’re in a bad mood, the rain just makes your mood worse and you feel like you’re done with life.

This past month I’ve been busy with family members who were visiting and they left today. I don’t want to say that I’m relieved but I kind of am. I sort of forget my identity when they’re here and my life becomes more about them, it was back and forth from their place for the past month.

I’m kind of responsible for them and they rely on me for a lot of things and I comply which I like doing but then I lose my identity which is an extremist move to make. I belong to a family of extremists so it’s justified.

Extremists in a completely non-harmful way. An example about my mother. shes very health conscious, likes to stay fit, extremely energetic so to keep her self in check, she takes numerous supplements for digestion, thyroid and just general strength and anti-aging etc which she has been taking for years now.

She also loves experimenting with different sorts medication and whatnot so she went to this herbal doctor who suggested that she should leave ALL HER supplements, stop taking sugar, caffeine, milk among MANY other things.

He said if she stopped, all those things will ‘naturally’ start getting better.

So she got back from the doctor that day and immediately stopped taking everything.

Now the thing is, we don’t function without chai and she decided to give up that and every single supplement that she has been taking for over 10 years now.

What happened? Withdrawal, of course.

I came home that day to my mother and my aunt lying lifeless on the floor and one on the sofa because they had no energy due to the withdrawal of sugar or caffeine.

I’m not calling out any herbal treatments, I’m sure some work great but this was just ridiculous and undoable.

This lasted for about 2 weeks and then she finally gave in because she started having a lot of other issues to which the doctor still said ‘continue doing it’ but she stopped because I wouldn’t stop complaining about how stupid all of this was.

This is a lovely story of how extremism works in my family, just one of many many incidents.

So the message here is to take things slow and steady when leaving any supplements or medications or your body will start to go through unexpected things.

Mother, why are you like this? I say jokingly.

She’s healthy and happy taking all her supplements and having a slice of cake with her afternoon chai every single day.

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I would love your thoughts and comments on my writing. Please feel free to comment and share this with your friends. I’m hoping to reach out to people who can relate to the topics I write about.

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way — Micheal Scott