Everyone carries their trauma in a different way.

They just know how to keep you in that bubble that they have created for you.

Every trauma is different and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t put yourself in another person’s shoes and try to understand it, that’s not how things work. I’ve been broken and bruised and humiliated and put down in front of others but I still would not be able to relate to someone else’s pain who has probably been through the same thing but the intensity is always different.

The important thing to remember is that there is always a solution, always a way out. Some things just are meant to happen to you that become a part of you. Maybe it would be more appropriate to call them dents or scars but that’s what makes you ‘you’.

BUT YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. if we all started to believe that we were, God knows where this world would end up.

Mental health is still somewhat of a taboo, things have improved over time but it’s still something that’s not openly talked about or taken seriously.

Talking to a professional is not something to be embarrassed about, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are ‘ill’. It just means that you need a third party to analyze your situation because our loved ones can be biased.

Having a support system of family and friends is so important but at the end of the day you might need a stranger to show you a broader picture and make you understand the other person’s point of view even if you don’t like it. Of course you’re not going to like it, the other person put you through hell. You don’t want to understand them, you want them to suffer, to feel the pain that they put you through but that’s not how things work.

In order to heal ourselves we have to make ourselves open and exposed, basically become emotionally naked and we can’t do that with our loved ones because we’re already vulnerable to them.

He bombarded me with himself so I was unable to leave and I never thought I’d need therapy. My mom suggested it, she could see that I was damaged. I needed to be fixed and my friends couldn’t do it this time.

I’ve always relied on my friends to help me heal but I guess the damage was too much to be fixed by just them, I needed professional help. I wasn’t initially open to it but then after much consideration I decided to give it a try.

Two years of therapy and I still see shards of the damage that he caused.

There were so many occasions in the past where I entered gatherings right after crying my eyes out or him humiliating me in front of our friends. One way or another tears were always involved.

It’s so crazy to think that someone can have so much power over the way you think and act. It’s a special talent and they just know how to keep you in that bubble that they have created for you. It’s a scary thought and you’re just stuck inside. Everyone becomes an enemy.

The key is to not give up no matter how many times you get knocked down because if you do, those negative thoughts will swallow you whole. That’s just the harsh reality of things. I didn’t give up, I couldn’t. Instead I gained patience to deal with all that was happening to me and I kept going.

I was in a loop of constant disparity and when I tried making sense of things, there he was just waiting to suck me back in.

I only managed to escape when I left the country and came back to my comfort zone, my home.