I would like to share my journey with you, something that opened my eyes and made me realise that I wasn’t crazy and that it wasn’t in my head.
I’ve been bullied a lot all throughout school and she was the worst of them all.
I met her on the first day that I joined a new school while I waited for my friend to show up. (The friends who told me about this school).
I don’t know how I came across her but she started showing me around the campus asking the basic questions of age, favourite color, birthdays etc. Coincidentally we shared the same birthday but she was a year older. She was one of the school bully’s. Everyone knew her as that and they stayed cautious when she was around.
She was the worst of them, gorgeous but an evil narcissistic bitch. Gail knew she had looks that would kill and she took advantage of it whenever she felt it would work to her advantage.
She ripped me apart whenever she got the chance and exposed my deepest secrets and regrets to the whole school like it was nothing. You know that bully who you hate but at the same time they are kind to you, they look after you, that’s who she was.
Everyone warned me about her, my family didn’t like her either but I didn’t care and I genuinely don’t know why I opted to stay friends with her. She was horrible, the meanest of them but at the same time she was kind to me.
She let me sneak out of her house whenever I wanted to meet our guy friends, she covered for me if needed and she secretly fed me KFC, that was our thing. My parents are health freaks so no junk food was allowed.
As said above, she was a horrible person just looking to find trouble. This one time she showed up at my doorstep like a gangster wanting to fight, I really wonder how that fight would have gone but I’m glad I never got to find out. I had trouble keeping secrets but we all have our flaws. I lost friends, learned my lesson and now I keep things to myself.
We shared birthdays and since she had the upper hand in literally everything, she took over our birthdays every year and chose to celebrate it on the 21st knowing that I wanted everyone to come to my house, but obviously they all went to her party including me. That’s how fear and power work. Boy was she evil.
I should be saying I hope she rots in hell and I want that but at the same time I feel this weird attachment to her. I’m conflicted between wanting her to pay for all that she put me through and on the other hand I feel that if she feels pain, I’ll feel it too. Psychotic, no? It doesn’t make any sense.
I had bullies in my past that were really bad too. They humiliated me in front of people and spread the worst rumours and I hate them all so much but I can never find myself wanting to hate her. I feel like there is a bond between us, maybe from another life. Yeah, I said it.
I got over all of that, moved past it but I just CANNOT make myself hate her. I want her to not matter, to not take over space in my mind because it’s not worth it. But when she comes in my mind, she comes like a flood, thoughts of her fill my mind, my body and my everything.
It’s a very unexplainable feeling and yes it does come off as sexual energy but it’s anything but that.
Since my family didn’t like her much, I kept myself at a distance from her, we met once in a while but it was almost always forced. I think we tried to keep something alive which wasn’t supposed to exist anymore but we kept pushing. Both of us were fake with each other, I’ve known that for the longest time but I cannot seem to put her chapter to bed.
I’m straight and there are no romantic feelings here, just putting it out there. It’s just an unexplainable connection that I feel which doesn’t make any sense to me or anyone around me.
While feeling all of this, I knew that I had to figure out what bonded us and why she was always on my mind when I was probably nowhere near hers.
When someone bullies you so badly, shows up at your doorstep, screams out all your secrets to the whole world, you’re bound to hate them with everything you have but I can’t seem to do that. I dislike her but somehow I feel connected to her. I couldn’t figure out what it was but I intended to find out. I never knew hating someone would be this difficult.
You know when you’re in love with someone, take your first love for example and after you break up you still feel that love for them, like the deep intense love where you still feel connected to them. When they break up with you and move on and you’re still stuck on them, It’s that feeling.
This question lingers inside and I feel like no one can understand it. Maybe it’s the fact that we share the same birthday, I don’t know what it is but I intend to find out.
My journey to finding out.
There’s this untapped world of energies and I don’t know how many of you are aware of it but it has witchy tendencies which freak people out. It’s not a commonly discussed topic. Some may say it’s witchcraft, some might want to stay away from it because it’s beyond their thinking capacity, you’re not to be blamed for that.
It is an uncommon practice since it’s not tangible. Something that science cannot explain but nonetheless, it is something worth getting into.
I have this friend who is interested in such things and practices them too and I was bound to find out why I felt this way about someone who had put me through hell for years. And you know what, I wasn’t wrong. There was a bond, it finally made sense and I can put her to bed once and for all and move on from the attachment that I knew existed for all these years.
This friend has studied past lives and how they are related to us in this lifetime. Legend says our soul travels in different bodies over its lifetime to complete whatever purpose it’s given. The soul remembers the lessons it has learned but no memories from that certain lifetime remain.
By now I know you are probably skeptical about what all I’m saying but hear me out, it could make sense to you or you could have just ended up reading fiction from this point on.
The past life and what she saw.
As I spoke to her, she turned to her higher power to seek guidance and started the process of finding out how I could be related to her.
She started describing that she saw this big man on a carriage running into a battlefield causing a lot of havoc, the land seemed barren with sand flying everywhere as he charged to wherever he was headed.
Meiro had other soldiers with him but he was the only one causing a ruckus, willing to destroy anything that crossed his path but there was nothing there. Everyone else was just going around their business as usual. They were charging on the path with this man but no commotion was being made, it was just this man.
On the other side she saw a beautiful green garden where a girl was sitting under a tree peacefully reading a book and enjoying her surroundings. Meiro, with a rugged build came charging towards her and she sat there calmly dismissing his presence until he stood right above her head. She stood up in front of him and as their eyes met, without uttering a single word both of them knew it was love. Not a word was spoken but they had fallen for each other right in that moment.
She had knowledge of what kind of a man he was, his reputation wasn’t the best and even though her intuition and everyone around her told her that he was not a good man, she left with him leaving behind her peace, her garden and also her sanity. She knew what she was walking into but ignored everyone and went ahead with her decision.
He carried her in his arms and off they went to his kingdom. As days went by, he started showing his true colors and she realised she had made an awful decision but there was no escape.
She spent her days sitting around without having anything to do and one day it struck her that she could start training for battle with the other soldiers, how else could she have planned her escape from this barbaric man she had so hopelessly fallen in love with.
One night, she gathered the courage to escape and somehow managed to get out in the small window of time that she found. She escaped on a black horse with a sword hanging from the saddle. She rode the black horse as fast as she could to return to her safe space, the lush green garden which she had missed so much.
Thankfully she was not followed and was finally out of his reach.
As she finished the reading, my reaction was YES YES YES I knew we had a connection. I knew there was some kind of love from a past life that I felt so strongly, I’m not crazy. And as this experience ended, I felt free, light, like something had set me free.
This has beauty and the beast vibes all over it, I noticed it as I was writing this. I guess this might come under the category of the Stockholm syndrome. But the end result was that I escaped from his hold.
I had the strength in me to learn how to fight so I could leave him. That was the lesson learned from that life.
Similarly in this life we have parted ways and are leading separate lives. Now I can finally rest because I know that I’m not crazy. I was right about what I felt inside of me.
Knowing all of this, it still feels like her claws are stuck deep inside my heart but I am going to start imagining her leaving my body and soul.
You didn’t deserve my loyalty in a past life and you don’t deserve it in this one either.
I will fully let go of you one day.
Edit: It has beauty and the beast vibes but Belle was in love with him and managed to transform him into a better man, Meiro could not be changed because that’s the personality that his soul carries in this lifetime too.